To My Dear Darling Children,
Today must have been such a nightmare to you. Your mean and uncaring Mummy threatening to hire a skip and throw all your stuff away that you keep leaving all over the floor. Constantly nagging you to the point of yelling; to do your chores and put away your clothes and pick up the rubbish & toys that you keep leaving all over my lounge floor.
You see my darling children, your Mummy’s job is simple. Raise you all with the skills you need to be a proactive and self sufficient adult. Part of those skills is being able to put away your own things and to clean up after yourselves. You made the mess. You should be able to clean it up again too.
With that in mind, my darling children, here are a few lessons for you to remember as you grow older:
The floor is not a rubbish bin.
Funny thing kiddos, see that weird looking white container thing in the kitchen? The one that Mummy is always putting the rubbish into? It’s called a rubbish bin. That’s a handy little container that you can put all your rubbish in to. Even better, Mummy has put one in every room! So there really is no excuse for you to throw your rubbish on the floor.
The floor is also not a toy box or a bookshelf
Yeah, no, sorry kiddos. Those cute boxes and containers that we have stored behind the couch and also in your rooms? Those are called toy boxes. And that funny looking wooden thing in the lounge that Mummy puts her books in? That’s called a bookshelf. Neither of which are the floor. So there’s really no excuse for you to leave your toys or books lying on the ground now, is there?
The vacuum cleaner is designed to pick up dust and dirt, not your rubbish
It was really amusing of you to say “just pick it up with the sucky thing, Mum” this afternoon. But here’s a little tip. The vacuum cleaner is not designed to pick up your rubbish. That’s why Mummy makes you do it before she vacuums. The vacuum cleaner is designed to pick up dust and dirt that makes it’s way into the carpet. It shouldn’t have to pick up the millions of pieces of paper that you keep dropping on the floor during one of your craft sessions.
If you don’t put your dirty clothes in the wash basket, I won’t wash it
Now, I know this one must sound a bit harsh. But Mummy has enough clothes to wash in a 7 person household. So if you don’t put your dirty washing into the wash baskets in the bathroom like you are supposed to? They aren’t going to get washed. It doesn’t matter if it’s your favourite outfit. Or if it’s your school uniform. It doesn’t matter if you’ve run out of undies. If you haven’t put it in the bathroom to be washed, I’m not washing it. I’m not picking it up off your bedroom floor for you.
Putting away your clean clothes requires more than stuffing it into one drawer
Did you know that your dressing table has more than one drawer? It’s true! Your dressing table actually has lots of drawers and each one is designed to hold one type of clothing. One drawer for your t-shirts. One drawer for your pants. Another for your undies and socks. Another for your pjs and nighties. What your dressing table is’t designed for, is stuffing your whole basket of clothes into one drawer just so you can get through it quicker. What’s more, see that pole hanging across your wardrobe? The one with the hangers on it? Those hangers are for your other items that your drawers don’t hold. Such as your school uniforms and your dresses and your jackets. With so much room to spread things out, why would you want to stuff it into just one drawer? How would you ever find anything?
So, there you are, my darling children. Just a few life lessons for you to note. I’m not being mean on purpose. I’m just trying to help you prepare for life as an adult. You’ll thank me later, I’m sure.
Your extremely frustrated mother.