It’s been a couple of months now that I’ve been taking fluoxetine for my postnatal depression. Now that things have started settling down I’ve started to notice a few things about myself that I hadn’t noticed before.
My mood is ultra sensitive to music. A certain song can either buoy me up or bring me right down into the dumps.
A couple of weekends ago, my husband was playing rock music in the car while we drove to Palmerston North to pick up our new dryer. He and the kids were busy rocking along to the music and don’t get me wrong, it was good music. But for me, all it did was make me feel angry. The music came across as angry to me so I felt angry in return.
In comparison, the music that I listen to when I walk our dog, Jazz, or when I do the housework comes across to me as happy music. So, I actually sing along and dance along to the music and it makes me feel happy.
Songs that were by singers that I absolutely HATED growing up (like Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake) now make me happy to listen to. Whereas songs by singers I absolutely LOVED growing up (like Linkin Park) now make me feel angry to hear it.
This was a real revelation to me. I am at my most happiest when my house is at it’s cleanest. When my kids mess up my lounge with their snacks and play or my Husband messes up my kitchen cooking us a delicious dinner I feel stir crazy until I’ve cleaned it up or I find I will be in a bad mood until I have.
I also find myself spotting things to clean that in the past I would have probably ignored until absolutely necessary such as my walls, door frames and ceiling. My windows have had more washes in the couple of months that I’ve been on my medication than the last four years of owning this house. Simply because I cannot handle seeing the kid’s smudges on there anymore.
Ironic really, because I used to really hate housework and now I can’t seem to get enough of it.
This was pretty random to me. I apparently can’t sit still anymore for long periods of time without doing something with my hands. It can be as simple as playing a game on my phone or knitting etc but I feel edgy if I am not doing something with my hands even when watching tv.
This is probably the one that annoys my Husband the most however. To him it must seem like I’m not paying attention to the show or movie that we are watching, even though I really am.
It’s not just my house that looks much better than it did a few months ago. I’ve also been more productive in my blogging and vlogging. I’ve settled into a routine and got things on my blog so well advanced that I have a few posts scheduled weeks in advance! It’s getting to the point that I am seriously considering upping my posts from Monday, Wednesday & Friday to Monday to Friday next year.
For my weekly vlog channel I am managing to upload most Mondays. Depending on whether my Husband is home from work or not (uploading uses up the broadband when he’s playing online games on his PS4 which causes serious lag). Even my Mum channel has gone from barely any uploads to an upload twice a week.
This is just some of the things I’ve noticed recently about myself. It’s been quite a revelation to me about how much I’ve changed and I find, for the most part, that I’m enjoying this change.