I am not a perfect mother. I am struggling this week. Between work, housework, being a wife, being a mother, blogging, vlogging… I’m juggling too many balls and something is going to drop. What at this stage, I don’t know, but something will. Something has to.
I am finally getting in a good place at work. We’ve worked out a routine and a system that is starting to work for us. I’m not getting anywhere near as many bollockings as when I first started. They are starting to trust that I will stay and be loyal. That I won’t just run off with their ideas like previous staff have.
Trying to meet housework needs on top of work is a little hard. I can generally do the basics most days. Wash the dishes, vacuum, wash a load of clothing, cooking dinner etc. But mt foldmore for example seems to be growing day by day because I just don’t find time to sort it and put it away.
I kind of exploded at Hubby this morning because I’m feeling all this pressure to do everything and I can’t. I need his help. We both work now and it’s not like it was before where I could do all the housework around my blogging and vlogging. I’m just not physically home to do it. I need help. I need Hubby to step up and help. Which today he did. I came home from work to find the children cleaning their rooms and the lounge tidied and vacuumed for me. Even some of mt foldmore had been dealt with, although not all of it. It’s a start, but it’s also something I need to keep going, not just every once in awhile when he suddenly notices I’m struggling a little.
If just being a mother is hard now. I’m struggling to get much one on one time with each child. I’m not even home on the days when I might be able to do so with some of them. The days that I am home from work I end up with three on one instead. I work on the weekend as well so I’m also not getting much time to spend with them then. It frustrates me. I frustrates my children. We’re both feeling this change. My children are acting in the only way children know how to when things change. They act up and push boundaries. Their ears stop working and I end up yelling at them far more than I want to in order to get them to listen and do what they have been instructed to do. Things that they know they have to do every day but now all of a sudden need to be reminded of a dozen times before they will do it and only then because I’ve lost my voice in yelling at them to do it.
Please bear in mind that I realise this is a struggle every working mother has. The struggle to spend enough time with their children, especially one on one, is a struggle EVERY mother has, working or not. But this is still such a new feeling for me that it hits me a little hard right now. I feel like I am failing my children by not being there because I am working.
Similarly my blogging and vlogging is also sliding a little. I’m struggling to find enough interesting footage to fill the daily vlogs and also to fit in editing time amongst everything else. Even now, I have the first of three vlogs loading into my editing software which I then need to turn into even slightly interesting videos ready to upload tonight.
As for my blog, I think I’ve written one other blog post this week. That’s not really good enough for me. I like to have at least two or three posts in a week.
I need to find a better routine for home to get everything done and still be active with my family. It’s only been a month but I feel all this pressure to be the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect worker, the perfect everything. And I’m not.