Hey, Newborn Dads. Yeah, you. I want to talk to you.
First of all, congratulations on your baby. I’m sure he or she is absolutely precious.
But the girls and I? We’ve been talking and you know what? We need to talk.
I’ve been hearing some things that kind of annoys me. For some reason you seem to think that things are going to be exactly the same as they were before. Listen to me now. They aren’t. You have a precious little bundle of joy in the house now and nothing will ever be like it was before. Ever.
You know how you get to go to work 5 days a week? I know it’s tiring and it can sometimes be really frustrating dealing with other adults. But you know what? YOU got to LEAVE the house. Yes, something that simple, just going off to work, can build a lot of resentment from us Newborn Mothers. You get to go off and interact with other adults. ADULTS! Do you know how much we’d give to leave the house and interact with other adults? Do you know who we have to talk to all day long? A newborn baby. A baby’s entire conversation is cry, cry, coo, cry, scream, burb, cry, zzzz. If this isn’t our first child then we may also be lucky to hear “Mummy, mummy, mummy” all day long. It can send us a little stir crazy by the time you get home. If she seems to just want to talk, just offer the simple conversation without the condescension. She just wants to hear another adult’s voice and you are the only one she has to do so.
Also, that little comment when you walk through the door and stare at the piles of washing that hasn’t been put away; the dirty dishes still to be washed; the peanut butter or nutella jar still sitting open on the bench from when your wife, the mother of your children, either made a sandwich for your beloved older darlings or was so desperate for something to eat that she ate the spread directly from the jar; the uncook dinner. the unvacuumed carpet. You know that little comment you make after taking in the scene? The one that implies we’ve done nothing all day? Yeah, that one. That’s the comment that makes your wife want to throw something at you. You know what she’s done all day? She’s sat on the couch with a baby attached to her breast or bottle. The baby that doesn’t want to be put down to sleep and every time she tries, wakes instantly, because all the baby wants is cuddles and to be held all day long. By the way, she’s had to do this while trying to supervise any older children you two have and their demands are just as numerous and demanding as the baby’s. So what has she done all day? EVERYTHING. Your children are alive and healthy, aren’t they? Maybe think before you open your mouth to mention that little comment. Instead, can I suggest you offer to make dinner? And then take the baby for half an hour so she can go have a shower and have some time to herself. She’ll thank you for it.
Oh, yeah, one last thing. You know the sex thing. Can you stop hinting for bedtime fun all the time? Your wife has had a baby attached to her all day and she’ll probably have the baby attached to her most of the night. She isn’t interested in bouncy cuddles right now. Right now, she isn’t feeling like the sexy woman you can see. All she feels like at the moment is a lump of uncomfortable skin and flabby tummy. It’s a little hard for her to feel sexy and confident right now and having you constantly demand sexy time isn’t helping her feel any better about herself. The fun times will come back but you need to be a little patient. One day in the not-too-distant future she’ll surprise you be initiating it herself. In the meantime, Put on a movie or tv show you know she’ll enjoy and offer for her to snuggle into you while you watch. She’ll probably fall asleep before it’s finished but she’ll be falling asleep secure in your arms, and that’s just as intimate as sex is, don’t you think?
I’m going to leave you with this:
“Your wife is going through a huge adjustment right now
and needs your love, patience and support.”
Nice talking to you Dads. Take care and enjoy your little bundle of joy.