I was looking at the calendar the other day. Halloween has been and gone. Thanksgiving is coming up in America (we don’t celebrate it but my newsfeeds are always full of Thanksgiving recipes and tips etc). Blake and Celine have their 4th and 8th birthdays coming up in 3 weeks time. Christmas is coming in about 5 weeks time. It had me thinking about relationships. Mine in particular.
Eugene and I have been married for approximately 7.5 years. We got married when Celine was 18 months old. But more importantly, we’ve been together for nearly 10 years. Will be together for 10 years this coming January. That’s a milestone for me. A huge one. It’s not as long as my big brother’s relationship. They’ve been together for 30 years. It’s no where near as long as my Aunt and Uncle’s relationship. They’ve been together since my Aunt was 13 years old and my Uncle was 15 (I think?) and they’re both in their mid-to-late 60s now. But still, I’m only 32 and 10 years these days is quite the milestone.
It hasn’t been easy, for either of us. That saying about relationships being hard work is very, very true. It really is. We fight. About family. About money. About housework. About our children. We sulk. We have days when we can’t stand each other. BUT we love each other. We work through our disagreements. We listen to each other’s side and we come to a compromise. Sometimes solutions work out better on his side. Sometimes solutions work out better on mine. But we work it out to the best outcome for us both.
We have insecurities about each other. Eugene has had a lot of issues with previous relationships ending with her cheating on him. I have issues with his friendships with other females getting a little too familiar. We’ve had to work through a lot of historical baggage over our years together to get to where we are. Sometimes he’s at fault. Sometimes I am. Sometimes neither of us are are fault. But we get through it. We fight about it then we talk it out. Occassionally our insecurities pop out into the forefront even after we’ve dealt with it. So we deal with it again. And again. History doesn’t disappear and hurt feelings don’t fade overnight.
One thing is clear to me though, after being with Eugene nearly a decade, relationships come down to decisions. We DECIDE to be together. We DECIDE to work through whatever issues come up. We DECIDE to get through each speed bump that appears along the way.
Relationships are hard work and it takes decisions to make it work.