Motherhood is such a paradox. It is full of beautiful moments. Smiles. Giggles. Cuddles that fill your heart with such warmth and love that it is hard to even imagine that there could be bad days. But there are.
|Tonight I am tired and
There are days when all you hear is “Mummy, I need you.” “Mummy, I want you.” “Mummy.” “Mummy.” “Mummy.” Mummy. Most days I love the sound of the name that gives my life meaning and purpose. But some days, days like today, I dread the sound.
Days like today when your children automatically seek you out for their needs instead of their father who is right next to you. Days like today, when all you hear all day is “Mummy, I want…” Days like today, when the baby resisted being put down for longer than a minute. When all she wants is to be held against you all day long. Days like today when nothing but Mum’s kisses and cuddles would sooth imagined hurts.
Days like today, motherhood is hard work. Being pulled in all directions at once. Every child wanting the focus of your sole attention and the more children you have the more directions you’re pulled in. Days like today when you feel like you haven’t had a break in as long as you can remember and desperately need an hour to yourself to get back in balance. 30 minutes. 5 minutes even. 5 minutes with no one needing anything from you. Wanting anything from you. Demanding anything from you. 5 minutes of just quiet. No yelling, shouting, fighting, crying, tantrums. Just silence. 5 minutes of peace.
Days like today when you basically have nothing left to give but somehow, from somewhere deep in the hidden reserves you didn’t even know you had to give more to the little beings who rely on you to meet their needs above your own.
Days like today when all you want to do is cry.